I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
