yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
