Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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