I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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