Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
