My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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