Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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