my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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