I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
