He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
