then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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