i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
