So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
