Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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