Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
