I think I died a long time ago.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So much rum. So many feels.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
