so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
