didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
