Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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