She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
