Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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