Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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