Already got asked if we're dating
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
