Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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