just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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