I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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