you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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