I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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