Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
