Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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