Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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