So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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