Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize