Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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