I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
