she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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