Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
