so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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