I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
