I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
