i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
