Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk is not a location!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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