Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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