She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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