the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
