So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
