you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
