and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
