oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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