I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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