i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
