Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
