I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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