the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
