You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
