I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
