He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
