Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
