I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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