Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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