just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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