remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
