my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
