Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
