Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
